Through a unique but divine set of circumstances I find myself a Coach of almost 50 young people that will leave their world behind and be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ on a year long trek around the world.

These young people are a unique breed.  I recognize them because I birthed one of them.  My daughter was never one that longed for more clothes or things or even the attention of boys.  She had one sustaining passion and it was Africa, one call and that was to be a nurse and to serve people with love and the power to heal.  She had no desire to have a car, or more stuff.  Julie’s only request as a graduation present was to spend a month in Africa with AIM.

This is when I had the chance to meet others that God had marked uniquely.  When we dropped her off at the airport there were over 100 young people with the same spirit as my daughter.  They love extravagantly, they held the things of this world loosely and their passion is for lands and people they had not yet met.

I remember leaving the airport bewildered and thinking, wow there are more people out there just like her.  She is going to have an amazing time no matter what hardship she might face because community with like-minded people that hold a common passion is the best community experience ever!

I can see now that God had a plan and a purpose in making me the mother of one of these delightful strange ones so that I would gain the experience of nurturing a young consecrated missionary.  Who knew that one-day the task would be to repeat that many times over.  What a joy and a privilege to watch the power of God work through an army of young missionaries looking to change the world one loving interaction at a time.

May God give them the ability to start churches, and orphanages, and financial institutions for the poor and the hurting all over the world.  I pray they start ministries that we have not even imagined yet.  May the Gospel flourish and His Word accomplish all that it was sent to do.  I pray that salvation and healing will break out everywhere they go.  May the power of the risen Christ be in them now and for always.  And I pray that when they are weary they will remember, in Julie’s own words…….

“I will fight for my purpose here. I will not be held back. I will dance in the shadow of His wings and fight in the imprint of His footsteps. For He has already gone before me and this battle is already won. The tears that I have shed have become the salt on my tongue that makes me long for more. I will fight until my last breath, or my last breath will come because I stopped fighting.”

In my personal devotional time yesterday I found something in my spiritual examination that needed further inspection.  It was a left over feeling that didn’t line up with the truth of my circumstance and confirmation.  I came across an excellent article by Kerby Anderson (Probe Ministries)

“The mission of a person’s overactive conscience is to attract the expectations of others.”  Steve Shores
The following is an excerpt from the article.  Enjoy

Imagine a light bulb glowing brightly on a warm summer’s night. What do you see in your mind’s eye? Bugs. Bugs of every variety are attracted to that light. The light bulb serves as a magnet for these insects. Imagine that light is an overactive conscience. The expectations of others are the “bugs” that are attracted to the “light” of an overactive conscience.

Now imagine a light bulb burning inside a screened porch. The bugs are still attracted, but they bounce off the screen. The overactive conscience has no screen. But it is more than that. The overactive conscience doesn’t want a screen. The more “bugs” the better. Why? Because the whole purpose is to meet expectations in order to gain approval and fill up the emptiness of the soul. This is an overactive conscience, a light bulb with lots of bugs and no screen.

A key to understanding the overactive conscience is the word “active.” Someone with false guilt has a conscience that is always on the go. False guilt makes a person restless, continually looking for a rule to be kept, a scruple to observe, an expectation to be fulfilled, or a way to be an asset to a person or a group.

The idea of being an asset is a crucial point. When I am an asset, then I am a “good” person and life works pretty well. When I fear I’ve let someone down, then I am a liability. My life falls apart, and I will work hard to win my way back into the favor of others.

So an overactive conscience is like a magnet for expectations. These expectations come from oneself, parents (whether alive or not), friends, bosses, peers, God, or distorted images of God. False guilt makes the overactive conscience voracious for expectations. False guilt is always looking for people to please and rules to be kept. Kerby Anderson

The truth is that I struggle with this from time to time.  I will still often make the right decisions when I weigh the facts because I am logically wired but I suffer from the dead weight of false guilt and it steals my joy.  I’m on the look out for anything that steals my joy because the joy of the Lord is my strength.

Every feeling should be examined.  Every false thought torn down to make room for more of God’s grace.

My prayers have changed so much through the years.  I’ve gone from – bless them Lord to surround them with a hedge of thorns.

I don’t pray God keep them from pain, but that pain would always be used only as an instrument to drive them to God and never from Him.

I don’t pray that they wouldn’t know hardship but learn dependence from it.

I don’t pray for success that would allow their ego to grow bigger than their hearts.  I pray for them to be managers of favor and success for God’s glory.

I don’t pray that their marriages and relationship would be fully satisfying but I do pray that no relationship would ever be as sweet as the one they have with God.

I do pray that no comfort on earth would make them apathetic.

I pray that they would never be comfortable with sin in their lives.  I pray that they would suffer the thought of what an indulgent sin would cost their precious children and spouse.

I pray that their hearts would break when others suffer and they would be compelled to action on their behalf.

I pray that they would suffer God’s lost sheep as if it were their own child.

I don’t pray for bigger houses but for bigger hearts.

I don’t pray for bigger paychecks than their ability to steward.

I pray their character always be bigger than their gifts.

I pray that there is no duplicity in their lives and that if there is, God is his kindness would bring it to light, quickly.

I pray that they be good swimmers in the sea of God’s grace and not pity pit dwellers.

I pray for the ability to love them beyond my selfish need to see them comfortable and that I would lead a life they can follow without apology.

I pray that Roger and I love each other as a living example of how Christ’s loves the church.

I pray that Roger and I will continue on the journey towards Christ like maturity and that no childish ways are found in us.

I pray that we leave them a legacy of prayer for the next generation.

So Rozy, why is it that your always so interested in relationship when you talk to people?  I actually laughed out loud!  Really, is that what they all think?  This precious motley crew of 20 somethings that I have the honor to mentor, love and lead?

I quickly explain that my job to meet them where the activity of God is in their lives.  20 somethings are all doing relationships and discovering pain, old wounds, bad habits and every unmanageable thing in their life.

Where better to start conversation? Part of my job is to watch their lives unfold and how it intersects with other lives.  People are messy, their interactions are messy.  Trust issues surface, pain starts to become loud and God is always right there ready to breath life and liberty into a wounded heart.  God is there to teach them something wonderful about Himself and I don’t want them to miss it.

I also explained that when I meet with other people, take for example young mothers we spend the whole time talking about our kids and what they are discovering about themselves in the process of parenting.  Nothing like watching your children and seeing yourself in all your “not so beautiful glory”.  An unhindered demonstration of our impatience and flaws.  My precious gorgeous granddaughter can throw a fierce fit! She is a tiny little peanut, as beautiful as a princess can be and her fit is the cutest overly dramatic example of the fits I’ve pitched with God.  When she throws one, I smile because I know God is teaching her and her parents a whole lot of valuable lessons.

So often when I meet with these 20 somethings, they are in the midst of some difficulty and they are crying as they explain it to me.  They want to kick me when I sit there smiling.  I don’t smile to be cruel, I smile because I know that pain is step one to growth.  It halts distraction and it actually impairs self deceit long enough for truth to come and heal something valuable in our lives.

I love my job and I’m not a relationship counselor, lol, though my 20 somethings think otherwise.  I’m a discipler of Christ that is interested in bringing healing and hope to every heart she encounters.

Smiling

Rz

Jesus did not commit Himself to them . . . ,

for He knew what was in man —John 2:24-25

Disillusionment means having no more misconceptions, false impressions, and false judgments in life; it means being free from these deceptions. However, though no longer deceived, our experience of disillusionment may actually leave us cynical and overly critical in our judgment of others. But the disillusionment that comes from God brings us to the point where we see people as they really are, yet without any cynicism or any stinging and bitter criticism. Many of the things in life that inflict the greatest injury, grief, or pain, stem from the fact that we suffer from illusions. We are not true to one another as facts, seeing each other as we really are; we are only true to our misconceived ideas of one another. According to our thinking, everything is either delightful and good, or it is evil, malicious, and cowardly.

Refusing to be disillusioned is the cause of much of the suffering of human life. And this is how that suffering happens— if we love someone, but do not love God, we demand total perfection and righteousness from that person, and when we do not get it we become cruel and vindictive; yet we are demanding of a human being something which he or she cannot possibly give. There is only one Being who can completely satisfy to the absolute depth of the hurting human heart, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. Our Lord is so obviously uncompromising with regard to every human relationship because He knows that every relationship that is not based on faithfulness to Himself will end in disaster. Our Lord trusted no one, and never placed His faith in people, yet He was never suspicious or bitter. Our Lord’s confidence in God, and in what God’s grace could do for anyone, was so perfect that He never despaired, never giving up hope for any person. If our trust is placed in human beings, we will end up despairing of everyone.

I was reading the Remix Solo which are excerpts of scripture that you examine at a deeper level. Slowly and with a quiet and pensive heart towards God. Like you would sip French press coffee. First inhaling it, then one delicious sip at a time. Examining scripture with that level of intentionality allows it to have a fuller effect on your whole being. Sometimes that effect is like hitting a wall at full speed. I just did that a couple of days ago. Take my word for it, it really hurts and takes a while to recover.

The Scripture was Leviticus 4:32-35 in the Message
32. “If he brings a lamb for an Absolution-Offering, he shall present a female without any defect,
33. lay his hand on the head of the Absolution-Offering, and slaughter it at the same place they slaughter the Whole-Burnt-Offering.
34. The priest will take some of the blood of the Absolution-Offering with his finger, smear it on the horns of the Altar of Burnt-Offering, and pour the rest at the base of the Altar.
35. He shall remove all the fat, the same as for the lamb of the Peace-Offering. Finally the priest will burn it on the Altar on top of the gifts to God. “In this way, the priest makes atonement for him on account of his sin and he’s forgiven.

At first you are to read it slowly. Then again in a whisper as you imagine every part of that scene in your head. Can you see yourself walking into the field to find a little white perfect female lamb. The best that you have. I can imagine that I was there when the perfect little thing came into this world and quickly attached herself to her attentive mother. I would then remember the joy between mother and infant. The bond so strong that I would gladly die for any of my children.

I would have to carry that white, sweet bundle of fur over to the priest knowing what would be done to her. Female, delicate, little, innocent, white, soft. I love animals, this exercise is hard for me. This little baby girl lamb is going to have to pay an ultimate price for my sins that day.

Then I would have to carry that lamb over to the priest knowing what comes next. Would the altar already be bathed in blood? I can imagine the smell of iron in the air, turning my stomach as the lamb looks up at me and calls for it’s mother. I think at this point I would probably start to lose it, through tears or worse. My stomach would be lurching.

I would hand her over with trembling guilt laden hands, knowing what was to come. The priest would lay his hand on her head. In that moment transferring all my sins to that innocent little white bundle, crying for her mother. Then a knife will very quickly slit her throat and her life would leave her innocent eyes. If you have ever had to put down a beloved pet, this sight is haunting. It cuts through all your memories and squeezes your heart with the greatest regret.

The price of my sins would be this offering. Why did God make it so gruesome? Was it because he is insensitive or maybe because our sins are so heinous? God allows this visual demonstration to unfold before us to show us the great cost of our actions against God and others.

I was imagining the Priest who actually had to do all this grotesque work and the fact that My Jesus was the perfect lamb that took away my sins. My sins bore a terrible price. How casual we can be today with the thought of Grace that carries no memory of the great and ultimate price. Jesus’ death was a thousand times worse than what happened to the lamb. His blood was shed so I could be free, free to love, to live forever in His presence and to pursue others so they may know they have been paid for.

I am also free to sin again. But can you imagine that sinning would carry for us a greater burden if you knew the walk you would again have to take to the sheep pen? How about the greater thought of Jesus’ sacrifice, the cross and the blood that was beaten out of his body for me and for you.

I long to remember the sacrifice so that I constantly rejoice in the freedom to not sin.

My my heart hurt so that I do not hurt yours Lord.

I was reading the Remix Solo which are excerpts of scripture that you examine at a deeper level. Slowly and with a quiet and pensive heart towards God. Like you would sip French press coffee. First inhaling it, then one delicious sip at a time. Examining scripture with that level of intentionality allows it to have a fuller effect on your whole being. Sometimes that effect is like hitting a wall at full speed. I just did that a couple of days ago. Take my word for it, it really hurts and takes a while to recover.

The Scripture was Leviticus 4:32-35 in the Message
32. “If he brings a lamb for an Absolution-Offering, he shall present a female without any defect,
33. lay his hand on the head of the Absolution-Offering, and slaughter it at the same place they slaughter the Whole-Burnt-Offering.
34. The priest will take some of the blood of the Absolution-Offering with his finger, smear it on the horns of the Altar of Burnt-Offering, and pour the rest at the base of the Altar.
35. He shall remove all the fat, the same as for the lamb of the Peace-Offering. Finally the priest will burn it on the Altar on top of the gifts to God. “In this way, the priest makes atonement for him on account of his sin and he’s forgiven.

At first you are to read it slowly. Then again in a whisper as you imagine every part of that scene in your head. Can you see yourself walking into the field to find a little white perfect female lamb. The best that you have. I can imagine that I was there when the perfect little thing came into this world and quickly attached herself to her attentive mother. I would then remember the joy between mother and infant. The bond so strong that I would gladly die for any of my children.

I would have to carry that white, sweet bundle of fur over to the priest knowing what would be done to her. Female, delicate, little, innocent, white, soft. I love animals, this exercise is hard for me. This little baby girl lamb is going to have to pay an ultimate price for my sins that day.

Then I would have to carry that lamb over to the priest knowing what comes next. Would the altar already be bathed in blood? I can imagine the smell of iron in the air, turning my stomach as the lamb looks up at me and calls for it’s mother. I think at this point I would probably start to lose it, through tears or worse. My stomach would be lurching.

I would hand her over with trembling guilt laden hands, knowing what was to come. The priest would lay his hand on her head. In that moment transferring all my sins to that innocent little white bundle, crying for her mother. Then a knife will very quickly slit her throat and her life would leave her innocent eyes. If you have ever had to put down a beloved pet, this sight is haunting. It cuts through all your memories and squeezes your heart with the greatest regret.

The price of my sins would be this offering. Why did God make it so gruesome? Was it because he is insensitive or maybe because our sins are so heinous? God allows this visual demonstration to unfold before us to show us the great cost of our actions against God and others.

I was imagining the Priest who actually had to do all this grotesque work and the fact that My Jesus was the perfect lamb that took away my sins. My sins bore a terrible price. How casual we can be today with the thought of Grace that carries no memory of the great and ultimate price. Jesus’ death was a thousand times worse than what happened to the lamb. His blood was shed so I could be free, free to love, to live forever in His presence and to pursue others so they may know they have been paid for.

I am also free to sin again. But can you imagine that sinning would carry for us a greater burden if you knew the walk you would again have to take to the sheep pen?

How about the greater thought of Jesus’ sacrifice, the cross and the blood that was beaten out of his body for me and for you.

I long to remember the sacrifice so that I constantly rejoice in the freedom to not sin.

My my heart hurt so that I do not hurt yours Lord.

Quincy lessons

God uses every event in my life in order to teach me great lessons. In this season I am watching the lives of my dogs.  A mama’s best friend.  I have a total of 5 animals that I love, steward and watch with great joy.

My oldest family pet is Chico and he is 13 years old, a beautiful red Pomeranian.

Judah is a sable, long haired blue eyed collie.  He is 10 years old.

And last but not least is Quincy our newest puppy and he is 2 and a ½ months old.  He is a teacup Chihuahua.  So tiny he fits in your hand.

All my boys (dogs) have very distinct personalities.  I am watching the older dogs respond to the rambunctious antics of one dynamo puppy.  They tolerate him for the most part, ignore him whenever they can and they are very interesting to watch.

I was thinking about myself and how I am an older leader amongst very young leaders for the most part.  I lead the young, I am like Chico and Judah at times as I watch the younger set run rings around me, sometimes make absolute fools of themselves but have a good time doing it.  There is much to learn in that kind of passion but the one thing that stood out to me above all the others is how quickly the pup learns and how much longer it takes Chico and Judah.

Take Judah for example.  He is very set in his ways.  He has a few bad habits he refuses to lose.   Judah always barks like the devil himself is at the door even it is just a family member.  Then he insists on rushing that person no matter who they are.  He is a rude host for the first few seconds.  I have worked with him for years and at times he gets it and then reverts to his former bad habits.

I am also in training mode for Quincy.  I stand amazed how quickly he learned how and when to use the bathroom.  Now we are teaching him not to chew on us as he is teething.  He is intelligent and responsive.  Quincy is always looking and listening for my command and my affection.

I watch my boys with an ounce of conviction.  In some ways I am very much like Judah, set in my ways and thinking I’m doing so well because I’m not running around in circles like the young.  But the truth is I need to concentrate on always being responsive to the prompts of the Spirit.  My instincts want to be set like Judah but my heart is like Quincy.  Only discipline and passion will help me adjust my actions.

God is always teaching me and I hope I am always learning.

I remember choosing not to know the sex of my third pregnancy. I couldn’t bear for them to tell me that I might not have a daughter. Having scheduled C-sections, you have to understand only 3 pregnancies are advised. By God’s choice I was pregnant a mere 6 weeks after having Jordan. 2 children in one calendar year. Not often done, not recommended. The biggest blessing of my life. This is what is called Irish twins. I was advised that for medical reasons an abortion might be the best decision for my family and my very life. I was growing a third child in a womb that had just had a major surgery.

When she was born I confirmed 3 times that she was a girl. I knew I would have a life long buddy. The only person I allow in my kitchen when I cook. My virtual shadow and my velcro baby. She was dubbed that title when she made it known her happiest moments were in my arms as a baby. Putting her down was like ripping velcro. She just stuck to me with an uncanny ability to hold on.

She became that person that can share a space when exhausted and just rest with you. The person that got the joke even when you stink at telling it. The only other female in a house full of boys. Little mommy when I was away, always making sure her brothers were good and telling on them when they weren’t.

A daughter is the holder of your most precious memories as a woman. She will pass on the gift of nurturing to the next generation. She stood beside me when we prepared for our family traditions. She alone holds the details of each event. She can make a rose grow, or help make the perfect chocolate chip pound cake for Christmas.

In 12 days she will walk the aisle away from me and her daddy and become a velcro wife to her precious new husband. She will carry on traditions and recreate magic for her family moments. One day God willing she will have her own velcro babies. Sons to make her proud and a daughter to be a carrier of her mommy magic for the future.

If I had 2,000,000.00  I would use it to try to make the world a better place.  First, I would get clothes, food and get houses built for people who are homeless, hungry, and need clothes.  I would also give $100 to each family until they got a job.  When I see other people happy it make me happy.

I would also give money to people who were injured in wars.  If someone was blinded and had no family or home to go to , I could give that person a home and maybe a seeing eye dog.  If a person was paralyzed, I’d give that person a house, food and a dog for company and help.  I love to help people because I like to see people happy.

If I still have more money would go to other countries and be a missionary and help people without homes and food to get what they need.  I would also go visit orphanages and give money to them so they can have an even better life.  If I still had more money I would tithe some to God and some to places that help people and animals.  IF ALL RICH POPLE PITCHED INTO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ALREADY!